When we find ourselves stuck in trying to heal…

Recently, I participated in a ceremony where we were invited to acknowledge something we were ready to heal and let go of. 

We made the symbolic gesture of using a knife to cut the cord that had been binding us to our past and to bid it farewell. 

There’s something beautiful and powerful in setting those intentions in a supportive community. 

And yet, as I listened to people’s stories and waited my turn to speak, a doubt arose in my mind: 

There’s a subtle, potential trap in this type of thinking - something that may keep us stuck in the process of healing… 

How long have we been trying to cut the cord, let go, and heal from something? How many times have I reflected on the same issue and made the same intentions? 

The trap is that just underneath our intentions to heal, hides this statement: 

“Once I finally get rid of this thing in my life… THEN I can start living…” 

From what I know about cognition - there is no erase button in the brain. For all our emotions, memories, thoughts and experiences - there is no way to willfully make them disappear. 

And if we fall into the trap of believing we’ll be fixed by getting rid of some part of our experience, we’ll get stuck in a never-ending tug-of-war with the past that prevents us from moving toward the future we desire. 

So, as my turn approached to take the blade and speak, this metaphor came to me:

If you’re in a tug-of-war with these unwanted monsters (the thoughts, feelings, memories of your experience) that seem to be keeping you stuck and pulling you away from the life you want, cutting the cord - or just dropping the rope - means you can decide to stop the struggle. 

But stopping the struggle doesn’t mean they’ll go away. 

And if you try to make them go away, then it’s like you first decided to head in the direction of your future,  but instead you turn around and run straight at your past to engage in hand-to-hand combat. 

It’s just another version of the same struggle. 

So, what if we could do something different? 

In that ceremony, I imagined cutting the cord - so that I am free to walk in the direction of the life I want. 

But instead of re-engaging in the struggle, I now invite all those unwanted monsters to join me on the path. I welcome them as companions – but they are no longer dictating the direction nor taking up the energy of my life.

What goals, dreams, and desires would you move toward if you didn’t have to engage in the tug-of-war with (or get rid of) those unwanted monsters saying “you have to fix yourself first”?