When joy is not a feeling…
From coca cola ads to antidepressant medications, to tropical vacations, to a better vacuum… the marketing industry thrives on this message:
“If you don’t feel joy/happiness now, there’s something wrong with you. BUT if you get this product or service, we’ll fix that problem and THEN you’ll feel joy.”
Joy is promoted as a feeling you should be feeling now and if you don’t have it, you can seek that feeling by finding something external to yourself.
When I write that statement, I certainly don’t feel joy… what I feel is more akin to anxiety…
The problem with thinking of joy as a feeling is that we start striving for relief from the anxiety created by believing something is wrong with us when we don’t feel joy.
I’ve been pondering another way…
The nature of all emotions is that they are fleeting, shifting, changing…and the notion that we should be seeking an emotion and hold onto it seems like it’s missing the mark somehow.
So, lately I’ve begun experimenting with the thought:
What if joy wasn’t an emotion, but what if joy is more of a value??
What do I mean by this?
Values are defined by what makes life meaningful to each of us. And true values are not monolithic or imposed by culture. They are qualities of being - that are chosen. Said another way, a value is a chosen way of being and a direction in which you intend to live your life.
You don’t achieve or acquire a value. And you never lose it either. Yes, you can veer away from a value, or forget it, but a value can be picked back up and chosen again at any moment.
So how does joy fit into this definition?
What if joy is something you choose to aim toward, rather than something you seek to acquire. Joy, if it is a value, may be more like appreciation and acknowledgement and opening up to awe, inspiration, recognition of beauty… It could be a decision you make moment to moment.
I’m not suggesting you bypass and deny when you feel other things — sadness, depression, anger, etc. — but rather, look at the horizon holding the hope that you are moving in the direction of joy.
When joy is a value, you can choose to acknowledge the levity, the hope, the light and the love but not expect to be feeling those things right now. You choose it as a direction you are traveling towards.
The difference between traveling and seeking is that in the traveling you are not expecting to ever arrive at some final destination. You just keep following where the compass is pointing you towards.
Other values such as kindness, compassion, generosity, and love all share this quality: All can be present within you no matter how difficult the circumstances — not from the need to feel a certain way, but from the commitment to act and perceive from that quality of being.
So, in that vein, let’s not seek joy, but choose it.